Top Three Reasons Why Koreans are Crazy

1. They don't heat their bathrooms. Seriously, in a place where you regularly drop trow and are often entirely without clothes, you would think that one might want a source of heating during the winter. Evidently, Koreans don't think so.

2. They drive like maniacs. Although I am sure that Koreans are not the craziest drivers on the planet, they are definitely the craziest drivers I've ever seen. I live on a one lane road, with no sidewalks, many pedestrians, and two directions of traffic. Plus there is no signage for the intersecting roads, so it is entirely up to the drivers to decide who has the right of way. Now if I were driving in this situation, I might drive a maximum of 5 miles per hour, or let's be honest, I would do everything in my power to not drive in this situation. However, if you're Korean, doing about 30 and slowing down to 25 at the intersections seems like a reasonable strategy. Also, red lights do not apply for the first three or four cars that pass under them, and if you decide your way is clear then one should feel free to simply ignore the red light all together and go on your way. Finally, all though this is heresay, apparently one of my friends has seen on multiple occasions, teenage boys, three or four to a motor bike, weaving in and out of oncoming traffic on major roads. So to my many friends and family who are doctors, if you come visit me, I'm afraid the odds of you having to be the first-on-scene at a gruesome accident are alarming high.

3. Jilted Korean women are 100% lunatics, I cannot stress this enough. Apparently, when Korean women are broken up with, stood up, or cheated on, it is completely appropriate to go absolutely apeshit. This includes pounding on the door of your boyfriend's (or ex-boyfriend's) apartment with your fists, your feet, or maybe a baseball bat for a good twenty minutes, all the while screaming like an enraged banshee. This exact scenario may have played out at the apartment next door to me just last night - it was very scary. I don't know if the woman actually had a baseball bat because I didn't have the guts to open my door and peak out, but it sure sounded like a blunt instrument was being used on the door. So, I locked my door just in case the tiny, but mad with fury Korean woman got confused on which door to attack, or simply felt the need to take her rage out on somebody in lieu of her absent boyfriend. However, I should have remembered that there is no reason to fear these women because there other places where they can take out their rage to punish their boyfriends. A crazy woman just last week beat the crap out of her boyfriends SUV with her bare hands. Ok, she used some items she found lying on the street, but she started the ordeal by punching both rear view mirrors off of the car. Then she used a traffic cone, a bucket, and whatever else she could find to continue the assault. According to one of my friends who lives on the floor of the boyfriend, he was home the whole time, but preferred to see his car destroyed rather than face the raging woman. It's amazing how scary a 5 foot 3, 95 lb woman can be when she is Korean and jilted.

Korean Torture

Korea has invented a new form of torture, and they air it on Channel 21 on a regular basis. It will only work on girls, and a few soft hearted men, but it is quite crushing. First, they show Pride and Prejudice (I know this sounds like a good thing). Then, after you have waited through the whole agonizing story waiting for Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy to get together... when it finally happens, they cut the end of the movie so you can't see the big ending kiss. It's awful. I would tell all kinds of government secrets if they offered them in exchange for the end of the movie. I suppose this is just one more piece of evidence supporting my certain failure as a spy.

TMI Moment

This might be too much information, but I felt the need to share. If you thought that asparagus made your pee smell badly, dear lord, it can't be anything compared to what kimchi does (I don't know about the asparagus thing, apparently I'm lacking an enzyme or something). After eating this Korean staple, which is basically spicy cabbage, your pee is the most toxic, rank thing you can imagine. It's horrific.

So, in case you were considering eating kimchi and then letting your yellow mellow - don't do it!

Fun teaching info, I have a student in my intensive reading comprehension class who can't read, at all. Not even the word "the." It's gonna be a long two months.

It's Crunky

The best thing about today - I just ate a candy bar called Crunky. It had rice crisps in it, so I think it was supposed to be Crunchy. But Crunky is just so much better - I'm picturing an advertisement featuring a rapper, his grill, and a mediocre bar of Korean chocolate.

Aside from the chocolate bar it's been a relatively low key day, similar to my other days here. I haven't had any issues with jet lag... as I told my mom before I left, I am an excellent sleeper and can sleep whenever necessary. The transition to life here was also greatly eased by the immediate friend base of the other American teachers. They show me around town, take me to bars and restaurants, and even helped me figure out the mysterious combination washer/dryer in my room (thus far, the dryer has failed entirely, but I got some new advice on which buttons to push and I have a load in as we speak... wish me luck).

I also have my Uncle Russ to show me around, which is great. He took me shopping and then we went back to his home which he shares with eight or nine other priests, most of whom are retired. Turns out retired priests are awesome. Before dinner we had happy hour, then at dinner I was cajoled into a few glasses of wine, all of which was followed by movie night on the houses big screen TV. I am definitely going to hang out with the priests on a regular basis.

As for the children - I have only taught for two days, and I'm already exhausted. The older kids are a piece of cake because they speak English, and I can actually communicate with them. The "7" year olds I teach (that means they are between 5 and 6, as you are born 1 year old in Korea and everyone turns another year older on January 1st - it's a screwy system) - they are another matter. They are very cute, but they don't understand much of what I say, and I already have a class hellion. Two parents called the school today about little Ricky scratching their child - apparently he loves dinosaurs and likes to pretend he has long claws. Hopefully, I will learn to love my class of kinders, as they start picking up more English, and cause me less stress and exhaustion. In the mean time, I'm sure Ricky will be a source of many wonderful blog stories.

My next big mission is to learn the Korean alphabet. It's rather necessary to order at restaurants and explain where you want to go in cabs. For the time being, I let my friends order my food and I carry a piece of paper with address written on it.

I Finally Have Internet in My Room!

I'm here, and I'm alive, and I'm already teaching - crazy I know. I'll write more tonight, but right now I'm off to the store to invest in a humidifier. You know the weather is dry when you dream about searching for water almost every night.